An Unhealthy Guide: I’m barely out of college and my mother wants to marry me off

Our resident expert Cutrina cuts through the BS and gives you advice you should probably not take


Dear Cutrina,

I am a young girl from Karachi, who is about to graduate soon. I’m excited about starting a career but there’s a huge problem: my mom; more specifically, my mom pressurising me to get married. I feel like I’m still quite young and don’t want to “settle down” just yet. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Don’t want to be a Mrs (yet)

 

Dear Don’t want to be a Mrs (yet),

Girl, firstly you shouldn’t just “feel like” you’re young. You ARE young, and the only thing you should be settling down with right now is fast internet so you can stay up to date with those memes.

You’re in your early 20s I’m guessing and it’s just about to get worse. A lot worse. Why add a husband to that list?

I mean imagine having a tag along for life or being a tag along. That is not where your life is right now. Yours is the age to be extremely selfish and even a little reckless. Twenties means you can finally push your curfew to a few hours longer, perfectly curate your insta timeline to show you’re single and having fun and eating pretty food, and rewinding that Jon Snow scene (yes, that one) as you please.

But I guess you’re not the one who needs convincing. So here’s how to handle the pressure from your mother:

  1. Tell her you’re too fast for the slow boys (aka rishta boys) and too slow for the fast boys (aka out of your own choice aka love marriage) and therefore, you can’t settle down with anyone.
  2. If that doesn’t work, repel rishtas with your fastness or, in other words, be incredibly vocal. Throw in a few unpopular opinions during that awkward drawing room rishta meeting, such as: “Khana khud garam kar lo” (Khana can be replaced with chai in this context); or “Why would anyone vote for Imran Khan let alone marry him?” Or my personal fav, “Maybe Ali Zafar should have stayed home if he had a wandering eye and hands and possibly other things”.
  3. If that doesn’t put them off (because you’re just too fabulous), tell your mom you’ve met someone. Then, pick the worst guy you know (which isn’t a difficult task imho) and introduce them to him.
  4. This also might not work since we know mothers are quite blinded by the love they have for a future son-in-law. So, we have one last and final suggestion that may just work: if you can’t beat em’, join em. Just get married. And that too, to the guy your parents have chosen. Then have a kid immediately. Sacrifice everything for your child and raise her well for another 18 years till she is an adult.
    Now, you’ll have one thing left to do: let her live her life and learn how to stand on her own two feet without relying on someone else, especially a stranger.

You’re welcome,

Cutrina

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