How to lose a job in 10 days

Is your boss not letting you move on to greener pastures? Here's what to do!


KARACHI: It has been 15 years since Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey graced our screens in the cringy yet funny film How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days but we’re still not over it. In fact, as I sit down to write this week’s ‘How To’ section I can’t help but relate to Andie Anderson, played by Kate Hudson, the writer from the movie that has inspired this week’s column. She used to write a column just like this one when she’s faced with the challenge of dating a guy and then have him dump her in 10 days, all for an assignment. Obviously, there were many twists and turns (not writing a summary of the film here) but eventually she manages to do so.

I still remember when I watched the film for the first time I wondered why a person would want to lose someone in 10 days? Perhaps because your partner is too clingy or the relationship just isn’t what you thought it’d be? The same principle applies to a job. Because let’s face it, in your mid twenties you’re more committed to your work than a person. So if you think you’re stuck with a job that is making you unhappy or if you’re in a toxic relationship with your boss, these tips are for you.

Stay with me as I try to breakdown the mantra of losing a job in 10 days.

Days 1 & 2: Call in sick  

Trust me, nobody likes a sick employee. You’re expected to be a problem solver at your job, not the creator. So call in sick as much as possible.

Day 2: Go to work but talk only about how sick you are

Make sure the topic of discussion in the office only revolves around how sick you are. Get into the details of a flu virus or a diarrhea. Make sure it’s a TMI situation and only stop when everyone feels like they might be coming down with something too. Just make everyone awkward and disgusted.

Day 3: Appear unhappy and incompetent 

Refuse to take up any new work and pass on all existing tasks that have been assigned to you. Just say you’re not feeling like yourself and can’t work.

Day 4: Ask for a day off…AGAIN

Say you need a break and it’d be better if you could work from home. Then turn your phone off and blame it on life.

Day 5: Start bitching about everyone you work with 

No one wants an employee whose making the work environment terrible by putting everyone off.

Day 6: Say you’re getting married

Show up to work looking happier than you’ve looked in the longest time and share the good news with everyone that you’ve finally decided to tie the knot. (Also mention how you might be leaving the country right after.)

Day 7: Show up to work crying

Tell everyone that your wedding has been called off and you just can’t do life anymore.

Day 8: Take a day off

You already know what to say.

Day 9: Pretend like everything at work reminds you of your lost love

AND CRY.

Day 10: Ask for a raise

Having pulled all of the above, dare to ask for a raise.

Follow these tips and you’ll be unemployed in no time. You’re welcome!

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