Questions Pakistani Christians are tired of answering

Jesus Christ, can you stop?!

By Alice Peter-Bhagtaney

KARACHI: Being a Christian and living in Pakistan is not as absurd as some might think. Believe it or not, we are actually sons/daughters of the soil. So, please stop asking us the following questions because we are just as clueless as the rest of you.

1. “Have you met Santa Claus?”

Yes and all I want for Christmas is to get rid of you.

2. “Isn’t drinking like allowed in Christianity? Oh man, you’re so lucky.”

No it’s not like allowed but that like doesn’t like stop me.

3. “Aren’t you supposed to be white?”

Aren’t you supposed to be educated?

4. “You can have water while you’re fasting, right?”

Wait, what … how does that even work?

5. “Do you guys also have a mehendi at your weddings?”

Yes. Because it is a cultural event, not a religious one.

6. “Why do you say InshAllah?”

InshAllah, one day you will figure out why.

7. “How can you be Punjabi and still be Christian?”

The former is my ethnicity and the latter is my faith. What is your question?

8. How is your Urdu so good?

Aap itne bewaqoof kyun hain?

9. “Is Jesus Christ the same as Hazrat Essa?”

Are you for real?

10. “Why do you guys have Arabic names?”

Because my ancestors thought it would be a great way to torture me.

11. Where are you from?

From Laluketh. Where do you think?

12. How do you celebrate Thanksgiving?

Er… I don’t. I’m Pakistani not American. But…

13. You guys also wear shalwar kamiz?

Yes. It’s the national dress of Pakistan, where I was born and raised.

14. Hey it’s Easter! Where are the Easter eggs?

I don’t know. I don’t carry them in my pockets.

15. So will you kiss the groom at your wedding?

Only if he says “Can I kiss?”

Raise your hand (read: like and share) if you’re tired of hearing these questions.

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